Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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