you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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