I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
