i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
