just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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