The maid of honor just puked.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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