things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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