Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize