ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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