moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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