He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
