Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
