I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize