I cannot find my penis.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
