If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
