He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
