i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
