worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
