Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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