How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
