I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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