You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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