dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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