i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
