i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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