you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
