Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
