Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize