I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
