she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
