I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize