It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
