Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
