the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize