all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
