We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
