saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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