We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
