its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize