I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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