I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
