The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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