a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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