so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize