I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
