Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
