Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im part way to drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
