I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
