Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
