I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
