my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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