No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
