he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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