I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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