Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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