I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
