..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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