ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just want nice things and good sex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
