where does the pee come out of this thing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
