I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize