Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
