Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
