Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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