I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
