who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
