My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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