ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
whose ass print is on the piano?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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