Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
