My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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