THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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