DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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