We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
