'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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