I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
