If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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