Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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