She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
