I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
