eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
