We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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