good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
