My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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