I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
