Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
