Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
