she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize