she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
