a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
