i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
