To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
