At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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