I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
