I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
